Because I’m normal, I often imagine what it would be like to
time travel.
Because I’m weird, I also often wonder: if I time-traveled and didn't know to which time period I was going, would I be able to tell?
I know for a fact that if I ever time-traveled and was dropped off in
May or June of any of the past four years of my life, I’d know it, without even
looking at the date. Here’s how:
1) Writing anything on the board seems like THE BIGGEST BURDEN
IN THE WORLD
For this entire week, I’ve been having my students change my
date and objective. I just can’t bring myself to do it.
2) Your brain is so slow that you ask people to repeat their
questions to you, not because you didn’t hear them, but so that you have time
to think of a response while they’re talking
Other teacher: Did you get my email?
Me: Oh, I’m sorry, what did you say?
Me, (inner monologue): Uhhh, let’s see… email… email…. what is
her name again… Ms. Paulsen… what was her email about… oh yeah, the final exam…
did I get that email?............. yes! Yes I did.
Other teacher: Did you get my email?
Me: Yes! I’ll get on that right now.
3) You check the lunar calendar at the end of every day, because every day you're sure it must be a full moon
I don't know if it's true that full moons make students behave crazier, but I like to believe it. It makes me feel like less of a failure.
4) “TREAT YOURSELF!” becomes your answer to everything
Do I really need these expensive hiking sandals? TREAT YOURSELF!
Should I watch another episode of Secret Princes or do my lesson plans?
TREAT YOURSELF!
Shall I have a third piece of cake at the end-of-year luncheon?
TREAT YOURSELF!
5) Grades? What are those?
When I do remember to grade things, it is hard to stay on task. Today, all the 100s I graded received a hat.
Because nothing says "Well done!" like a tiny sombrero.
Or a fascinator.
6) Everything is funny.
Earlier today, one of my students said, “The daig was Dawsy”
instead of “The dog was Daisy” and I laughed so hard I cried.
7) Everything is also emotional.
Last week, before I found out I was moving up with my
students next year, I was watching them take a test and started crying. I still don’t know why.
Hope you are ending the year less crazy than I am. Or if it’s more crazy, I hope you’re spending
most of your time laughing.
Love,
This is perfect! Number two happened today. So happy it's well-described by a fellow teacher :)
ReplyDeleteI've heard in my years that it is a scientifically proven fact that kids act crazy because of the full moon - because of the gravitational pull of the tides or something. So therefore, I like to believe the same is true for the new moon :)
ReplyDeleteOh, I love this.
ReplyDeleteElectricity in our area went out during 6th, I locked the door... electricity never came back on so... tutoring was canceled! Its the little things these days... Needless to say, I danced out the door happily!
ReplyDeleteHahaha many of these resonate. 1, 2, 4, and 5, especially: You are not alone!!!!
ReplyDeleteIf by "expensive hiking sandals" you mean Chacos, yes, you need them.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, I'm a first year teacher and this blog is one of the things that has gotten me this far. Thank you for always giving voice to sentiments that chemistry teachers just can't quite find words for....we tend to blow things up when frustrated instead of writing hilarious blogs.
I just finished working with student A, went into the office to make copies and a fellow teacher asked the name of Student A because a self portrait that student A had painted was hanging in the office. I could not think of her name. I sat there and tried to recall Student A's name as I organized my paperwork and couldn't find it in my brain. Student A walked by the office waved to me, and as I waved and looked back down at my papers, one of which had her name on it, I realized that it is May and I am falling apart fast.
ReplyDeleteI have a student change the date every day - all year(I just can't seem to remember until 2nd or 3rd period every day). The "date changer" feels special & I get out of one more minor task! :) I should see about having someone fill out my objective board too next year.
ReplyDeleteThanks for a laugh! Hope you have a WONDERFUL end of year. And summer ;)
ReplyDeleteThe other day I had to send an email about an 8th grade student - and I'm so brain dead I sent it to the 7th grade admin and 6th grade guidance counselor! DERP!! hahaha
ReplyDeleteI'm in the Phoenix area and it's now 11/2 days until the end. Last night I prayed for a snow day.
ReplyDeleteDo you mean 1 1/2 days or 11 1/2 days? We have 10 days left here. I know some schools are out already. My son's BIL graduated high school yesterday.
DeleteI bought myself four chocolate chip muffins to have Tuesday-Friday morning. It's the last week of school, dang it. TREAT YO-SELF.
ReplyDeleteI just feel like you should know that someone pinned a post of yours that I clicked on approximately 4 hours ago. And I'm still reading. I can't stop myself. It's all hilarious & makes me so excited to officially teach on my own next year.
ReplyDelete#4! Tomorrow is the last day of school, and I was finishing a bowl of cookie dough as I read this post. Here's the recipe, in case you need it. (No eggs, safe for just eating. I'd do half white sugar and half brown sugar next time I make it.) http://carriethishome.com/2014/02/edible-cookie-dough-for-one/
ReplyDeleteToday is the last day of my first year of teaching! This is absolutely perfect! Especially #5. I just wish I had thought to put little hats on my grades too.
ReplyDelete#4 is a necessity! We take our grade 8 class to Washington DC the last week of school. Long week. I treat myself to EVERYTHING in May.
ReplyDeleteI am completely on the same wave length. I was even debating with my colleagues about what to call the end of the school year brain malfunctions that happen to the students and the entire faculty. I'm sure it could be likened to some level of purgatory.
ReplyDeleteGrrr. I've experienced 1,2 and 4 this week but I've still got 9 weeks to go before summer! I get very jealous listening to other teachers who finish soon especially as the last week has been wonderfully sunny in the UK and I just know that as soon as I do break up it'll go away.
ReplyDeleteTo Anonymous in Phoenix...
ReplyDeleteI'm in MA and finishing my 28th (yikes!) year teaching and this year we had 5 -- yes 5 F-I-V-E 5-- snow days!!! Our last day is officially *gulp* Friday, June 27!!! Want one of our snow days??? We'll gladly share. lol But that's only part of it. We also have to pack up EVERYTHING by Friday, June 27 to be ready for the movers to move everything into our new building some time in July. Summer vacation can't get here soon enough!
You are HILARIOUS! I love this, and I love your blog!!! I teach high school English and am SO over it right now... Hang in there girl!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, we also had a lot of snow days and are going to June 27th. I feel your pain. I want it to be the end of the school year, but alas, I can't even feel that yet.
ReplyDeleteOh, how I nodded my head to every. single. one. of these! ESPECIALLY the grading thing... I actually found myself distracted while grading yesterday and found that I combined that with the emotional bit -- I was crying while looking at a one of my students' paintings. Was it a particularly sad subject matter? Not really. Is this student a senior who I love dearly and am probably going to cry when she walks across the stage? Yeah, sure. But there is no excuse OTHER than "It's the end of the school year!" for me to cry WHILE grading.
ReplyDeleteDid I mention I was grading WHILE eating the stash of Oreos I began keeping in my desk drawer a few weeks ago? Treating yourself is a necessity to sanity at this point...
Hang in there!
I cried today while reading one of firstie's EOY writing sample. This kiddo did EV-ER-Y-THING all year long to NOT have to write. The top three are 1) pee his pants 2) single handedly punch a dent in Antarctica on all my globes (classroom set) and 3) pull apart every long fiber of each shoelace and arrange them into the letters of the alphabet (which DOESN'T count as writing). Anyway, so I expected grumbling at the start of our test, but he got to work right away and when he turned it in- lo and behold! It was amazing! His voice shone through in every sentence AND he added amazing details! Such a bittersweet time of year!
ReplyDeleteI teach the G&T kids and he sounds like he'd fit right in! :)
DeleteMy chocolate stash in the library is depleted.....aaaand I now have a super awesome sticky frog on the ceiling courtesy of a 6th grader. He will stay stuck to the ceiling as a hostage.
ReplyDelete#7 YES! I am so emotional about my 8th graders leaving me. I think this was my best year ever and I am so, so emotional over them leaving.
ReplyDeleteFunny! I never mind writing on the board. The full moon theory has to be true--there is enough anecdotal evidence! Love the idea of treating ....... and what fun papers the kids will receive with the hats!
ReplyDeleteMary
Lawdy, Child. I just read your entire blog instead of interacting with my family (YOLO) and I agree with all of what you say, especially about the standardized testing. I teach chemistry and we do Benchmarks at 18 weeks and DATA DATA DATA TUTOR TUTOR TUTOR and we have to be done teaching and ready to review in April (school ends halfway through June) and biweekly content meetings (there are two of us in chemistry) and the only thing that saves me some days is humor. Oh, and booze, but we all knew that, right?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, love your blog!
treat yourself! just ate 3 truffles while I read this
ReplyDeleteHere in Britain teachers dont have time to know what time it is ,yet alone what season.....they are too bogged down with paperwork ,inspections and people looking over their shoulders telling them what to do and how to do it.
ReplyDeleteInteresting to see your post! Good
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ReplyDeleteRead this article so you can explore lots of tips to write exams better.
ReplyDeletetreat yourself! just ate 3 truffles while I read this
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