16 Things You Can Do While Actively Monitoring during Standardized Testing (or the next time you’re crazy bored)

Tuesday, March 4, 2014



I know I use a lot of superlatives, but administering standardized tests is pretty close to the worst.

Let’s stop for a second. I know what you’re thinking. “What’s so hard about handing out papers and watching students take a test? That sounds pretty cush to me. I would love to do nothing for six hours!”

Wrong-o, my friend.

The type of “nothing” that you are thinking of probably involves a lot of things—reading a magazine or a book, checking your phone, looking around idly—but this is not the “doing nothing” of standardized test administration. While administering a standardized test, the only two things you can do are 1) walk around the room, and 2) watch students take a test.

No computer/phone/technology of any kind.

No writing, drawing, doing crossword puzzles, or Sudoku.

No lunges, jumping jacks, or anything that would distract students.

No grading papers or getting caught up on work.

No sitting for more than a few minutes.

No standing in one place.

No zoning out.

The State would call this "actively monitoring." It's not that actively monitoring in itself is terrible, but, much like Chinese water torture, hours of it (and for several days at a time) will turn anyone into a crazy person. 

 Because of this, I've become somewhat of an expert in creating mental and physical activities that can be done while actively monitoring that won't distract children or get you in trouble.  WIN-WIN!  (If you're not a teacher, you can use any of these the next time you're getting an CT scan!)

16 Things You Can Do While Actively Monitoring During Standardized Testing:

1.       First of all, wear a pedometer. Set up a contest with other teachers to see who can get the highest step count during the day.  Whoever wins gets, I don’t know, a bottle of 100 year-old single malt scotch. Hahaha. Just kidding (or am I?) But make it something good.

2. Do a few laps around the room pretending to be an Olympic speed skater during a slow-motion replay.

3. Walk down the rows imagining you’re:
  • walking down the aisle to marry your favorite celebrity and all the students are wedding guests
  • on the red carpet in the most awesome dress/tux of your LIFE and all the students are paparazzi
  • walking the plank on a ship and all of the students are pirates
  • walking in a cemetery and all the students are ghosts
  • scuba-walking on the bottom of the ocean floor and all your students are sea creatures
  • a flight attendant and the students are passengers on the "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" Twilight Zone episode
4. The Active Monitoring Workout

  • Abs: I read somewhere that one of the most effective ab workouts is simply exhaling all of your air, then tensing up your ab muscles as hard as you can.
  • Legs: Put ankle weights on during a break of at the beginning of the day, and do calf-raises when you get to the back of the room (students might get distracted and/or you might earn the nickname Twinkle Toes if they see you doing them)
  • Arms: Flex your bicep as hard as you can for various increments of time 
5. Imagine what animal each student would be. Not personality-wise, but strictly based on facial appearance.  For example, the Mythbusters guy looks like a walrus.


6. Imagine who you would be friends with if you were that age in school right now.

7. If your group of students somehow got stranded on a desert island, which job would each student have? (Ex: firewood collector, hunter, shelter builder, resident artist, town fool, etc.)

8. Dream up your Best Day Ever.  Best Day Ever means that you have 24 hours do whatever you want, whenever you want, and with whomever you want.  Try to plan out every detail. What would you eat for meals? You would stay in one place the whole day or jump around to different places in a teleport? Who all would you see—friends and family, celebrities, or a combination? Your imagination is the limit!*

9. Think about what kind of unrealistic things would make the world a better place.  For example:



  • If streetlamps were also bubble machines
  • If hallways were trampolines
  • If instead of receipts we were handed chocolate chip cookies
  • If we got paychecks for laughing instead of working


  • 10. Think about your answers to these compelling “Would you rather…?” questions:

    • Would you rather get pooped on by a bird every time you go outside, or never get pooped on but be allowed outside for 5 hours on Saturdays only?
    • Would you rather change gender every time you sneezed, or not be able to tell the difference between a muffin and a baby?
    • Would you rather have to smell a fart all the time or have super bad breath?

    11. Think about how happy it would make you if a parade of your favorite animals and/or people just randomly burst into the room. Also think about what song would be playing during the parade.

    12. Look at the items in the room and think about how you would use them for survival if there was a zombie apocalypse

    13. Think about where on your campus you would hide if there was a school-wide Hide-and-Seek with a $1,000,0000 prize

    14. Use some Crest White Strips or other teeth whitening agent

    15. Buy three different kinds of gum and time all three of them to see which one loses flavor the fastest

    16. Take your pulse before and after thinking about the most annoying person you know and see if it changes

    Now I would like to know your answer for your Best Day Ever and at least one of the Would You Rather questions. 

    Wishing you a happy and healthy testing season,

    Love,

    Teach
      
    *dorkiest thing I’ve said all month. Not apologizing.

    422 comments:

    1. I didn't have to proctor this year for the first time in ever. AND I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE GRATEFUL FOR ANYTHING IN MY WHOLE LIFE. Never.

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      Replies
      1. Same with me! Oh my goodness, I was so happy!!! It's like winning the lottery! :)

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      2. We tested all last week. I was a proctor all day for five days straight. I felt like a rat in a maze, walking around and around the same desks again and again. After the second day, I felt like I was going to lose it. By the fourth day, I was questioning why we test the students, anyway, because their scores rarely improve. By Friday, I was ready to sign myself into the mental hospital. No one should have to be subjected to this degree of boredom, EVER. Ironically, if you're arrested for a testing violation, you could have to spend ten years in prison. Maybe the torture during testing week is just a dress rehearsal for what could happen if you don't follow the rules. LOL

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      3. I look around and think, when the Zombie Apocalypse comes, who would I want in my group, besides "A Darryl."

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      4. This list was quite useful along with some of the comments/suggestions. For the most part the list was humorous and many of them can actually be used; however, I was disappointed that prayer wasn't on the list. Pray for the students as well as the staff to get through the testing.

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      5. I have to proctor four days a week, for two weeks, then two more days the week after that. Hours on end. One week is nothing.

        Delete
      6. GREETINGS everyone out there.. My name is Sarah Gomez FROM CANADA i will never forget the help Prophet Ayelala rendered to me in my marital life. i have been married for 5 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was searching for help in the internet, i saw many people sharing testimony on how Prophet Ayelala help them out with their marital problems so i contacted the email of Prophet Ayelala i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place were i can get back my husband within the next 24hours. He told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him,that he will never cheat on me again. i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give Prophet Ayelala a try they work surprises because i know they will help you to fix your relationship with your ex partner. i thank god for using Prophet Ayelala to save my marriage. Contact him via Email: ( Ayelala7demons@gmail.com ) Or Reach him on whatsapp: +2347031894318


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      7. WTF, Sarah Gomez? This is not the thread for that nonsense.

        I am right now sitting with a group of kids who aren't allowed to do anything for 3 hours because they *don't* have a test. I have been using these suggestions with them. It was most interesting to learn that should a zombie apocalypse happen, at least half of them thought I had weapons in my desk drawer. Hmmmm...

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      8. GREAT THANKS TO DR. SAM THAT HELPED SAVED MY MARRIAGE AND HELPED ME GET PREGNANT.

        I'm Stephanie Williams from USA, for over 4 years now of my marriage i have been trying to get pregnant, this almost made my husband to divorce me because my mother in-law was planning to get him another girl, i was always crying everyday because my marital life way going down. My mother in-law made my husband believe that i was the cause of us being able to give birth, i was always crying, my heart was broken into pieces. My husband and I have been seeing a fertility specialist. We have done one IUI with no luck. My husband has a sperm count which goes up and down,the doctor has recommended him taking the Proxeed supplement which he is doing over 3 years with no change in the situation my husband who has low sperm count? It just seems to me that if the sperm are unable to fertilize the egg it will not matter how many are produced. I am was so confused until i contacted this powerful spell caster online who I saw a number of testimonies of how he has help so many of them so I sent DR. SAM a mail and I told him all my sorrows and pain he replied me and ask me not to cry any more that he will help, he sent me some instructions and caution, DR. SAM (the spell caster) performed the ritual rights and I bought some items to complete the rights and he told me to have sex with my husband within 2weeks of doing this I felt dizzy and I went to the doctor and it was confirm that I was pregnant thanks to DR. SAM spell temple now am a mother of a bouncing baby boy and joy has been restored to my marital life and am very happy, no more stress from my mother in-law. If any one needs such help don’t wait all life time to get help in getting pregnant contact DR. SAM now on his personal email : miraclefertilitysolutiontempl1@gmail.com or miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@yahoo.com or through his website: https://miraclefertilityso1.wixsite.com/dr-sam
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        Delete
      9. GREAT THANKS TO DR. SAM THAT HELPED SAVED MY MARRIAGE AND HELPED ME GET PREGNANT.

        I'm Stephanie Williams from USA, for over 4 years now of my marriage i have been trying to get pregnant, this almost made my husband to divorce me because my mother in-law was planning to get him another girl, i was always crying everyday because my marital life way going down. My mother in-law made my husband believe that i was the cause of us being able to give birth, i was always crying, my heart was broken into pieces. My husband and I have been seeing a fertility specialist. We have done one IUI with no luck. My husband has a sperm count which goes up and down,the doctor has recommended him taking the Proxeed supplement which he is doing over 3 years with no change in the situation my husband who has low sperm count? It just seems to me that if the sperm are unable to fertilize the egg it will not matter how many are produced. I am was so confused until i contacted this powerful spell caster online who I saw a number of testimonies of how he has help so many of them so I sent DR. SAM a mail and I told him all my sorrows and pain he replied me and ask me not to cry any more that he will help, he sent me some instructions and caution, DR. SAM (the spell caster) performed the ritual rights and I bought some items to complete the rights and he told me to have sex with my husband within 2weeks of doing this I felt dizzy and I went to the doctor and it was confirm that I was pregnant thanks to DR. SAM spell temple now am a mother of a bouncing baby boy and joy has been restored to my marital life and am very happy, no more stress from my mother in-law. If any one needs such help don’t wait all life time to get help in getting pregnant contact DR. SAM now on his personal email : miraclefertilitysolutiontempl1@gmail.com or miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@yahoo.com or through his website: https://miraclefertilityso1.wixsite.com/dr-sam
        You can also contact him through his mobile: +2348110496031. Contact him now for pregnancy spell and love spell to bring back your ex lover

        Delete

      10. I am joes candra, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.MARVIN for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. Three days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 6 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.MARVIN released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to DR.MARVIN for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. MARVINLOVESPLL011@YAHOO.COM that is his email address bye or you can call is hot line on +2349059897314

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    2. These are fantastic. And will definitely save my life during practice testing this week! Thank you!!

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    3. I was dying of laughter by the time I got to #2. We have a friend from college whose signature dance move at weddings (including my own) is speed skating in slow motion across the dance floor. I can only imagine how distracting this would be to test-taking kids! Now I can't wait for standardized tests at the end of April!

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    4. This is absolutely hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

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    5. I'm grinning like a loon while reading this. I love this list and plan on putting several into practice. Especially #3. How can you not have fun doing that?

      As for #10, I would choose getting pooped on by a bird as long as it is a small bird and not, say, an eagle. I already have a hard time differentiating between babies and muffins. They are both so delicious! And bad breath for sure. Let someone else deal with the problem!

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    6. I always try to figure out the square footage of the room I'm in by counting the blocks. If I have access to a window, I count the cars that go by and figure out the rate of people per hour who pass the school! I think your ideas are much more entertaining!

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      1. I think I have practiced my geometry skills by figuring the area of every room I have ever tested in.

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      2. me too.... also at the dentist...

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      3. I have counted ceiling tiles on more than one occasion!

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      4. I do.the same.exact.thing. lol. I work at a daycare I'm.the infant room. Have to be quiet while listening to lullaby music with the lights off yet not fall asleep. Lol!!!

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    7. Hilarious! I've spent the last 2 days of 'active proctoring' trying to find a walking pattern that avoids all the creaky floorboards in the temp...kind of like playing an adult version of 'hot lava' :) Fun times!

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    8. This is a brilliant list. Absolutely hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!

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    9. Laughed sooooo hard! This is great! I will definitely chew the 3 or 4 different gum flavors and get back to ya'. BTW...gum is not allowed at my school so consider this a double challenge....

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      1. You earn Triple "Dare" points (and a case of beer) since it's breaking the rules- lol!

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    10. We just had our "how to administer the test" meeting tonight. Everyone listened politely to someone who had never gave the test tell us how to give the test. This made my day!

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      1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    11. Are allowed to wear curlers? We could be letting the rollers dry.... And we can wear one of those "sweat shorts" -- the ones that are like aluminum fabric that "melt" the fat off.

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    12. I am not proctoring tests this year and I too am very grateful. These are great for next year!

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    13. This is EXCELLENT. The fact that you have thought all of these up makes me wee my pants laughing. Especially imagining students as walruses/other animals. I am studying to be a teacher, and during my last prac there was a kid who looked EXACTLY like a walrus.

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    14. My very last sub assignment during my post retirement days was to monitor for a week at the Middle school... for a previous 3rd grade teacher this was a horrific week.. these really put a smile on my face..... wish it would regain the years that I lost that week.

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    15. Thank you for this list! It made me crack up! I always just daydream and count down the minutes until I can change the "time left" on the board. Your ideas are much more entertaining!
      Amber @ http://www.applestoapplique.com/

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    16. I had to share this with my 4th grade team! Hysterical, but so needed! We don't have proctors this year, so I may have to try some, since I won't have another individual watching me watch my students. Seriously!

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    17. This is awesome! I created mental games last year to try to keep from going crazy. It's great to have new ideas!

      My best day ever would be hiking in the rainforest and suddenly seeing a wild jaguar. .. at a distance of course! Then hiking to a waterfall to cool off and get clean before going to sleep to the sound of the ocean in a big cushy bed.

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    18. If you have a larger room and multiple proctors, you can play battleship. Set up the grid with numbers and letters, and mark your ships (the kids) on a piece of graph paper. Proctor one stands behind the student he is guess, proctor two nods for a hit or shakes no for a miss. Then the proctors switch.

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    19. Zombie apocalypse...hands down my fav.

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    20. thoroughly enjoyed giggling through this!

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    21. Here is a great Armstrong and Miller sketch about administering exams.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ufc4WHODaRs

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      Replies
      1. My belly hurts from laughing so hard! Forwarded to my staff... THANK YOU... we needed that!!

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    22. I'm an ECE teacher and I have been pulled to proctor. Anyone ever try to count or estimate the holes in the suspended ceiling tiles? You will by the time the testing is done. I also would get to the end of a row and do stretching exercises.

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    23. Thank you for keeping your wits about you, and finding something USEFUL to do with testing! :) Cheers!

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    24. I pass the time by accessing my mental music library. I'll pick a theme, like weather, and try to come up with as many songs as I can for sunshine, rain, fog, etc. Or, I'll try to think of songs that include names of states or cities within a specific state. I'll also come up with an A song and then challenge myself to come up with the name of a song that begins with the last letter of the song title. It's amazing how much time I can spend "actively monitoring" and entertaining myself at the same time.

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    25. My favorite is to figure out what do if any real emergency happens during this test that no one is suppose to leave the room during. For example: fire, tornado, lock down, hurricane, what to when your student pukes on said test, etc. This can take hours to fully run through the situations.

      The last one actually happened to me my first year proctoring on the first day of testing and I wasn't allowed to leave the room or use the phone. It was interesting.

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      1. I know the answer to the puke question...we are to bag it and give the student another test...I kid you not! Had it happen one year and couldn't believe they actually wanted that horrible paper, let alone ask the poor sick kid to start over! He couldn't do a retake liek an absent student because he already started the test. I now send any students who look even the slightest green to the nurses office and won't let them back until testing is over. I know, they hate me in the nurses office for this, but they never had to literally bag and tag a barfed-on paper before...and keep it in your testing box the WHOLE WEEK! YUCK!!!!! Who comes up with these stupid rules?

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      2. At least you got to put it in a bag and not touch it again. Years ago one of my 4th graders puked on their test. The principal, district test supervisor, and I had to sit together in a room - to prevent cheating of course - and transcribe every disgusting page onto a different answer booklet! I am always on the look-out for the ones who could blow before we start testing too :-)

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      3. The year it happened to me my nonexistent super ninja skills kicked in and I managed to grab the test paper with one hand, catch most of the barf with the other (it was sheer instinct) -- clutched the one like my life depended on it, shook the other hand over the trash can a student brought me, hosed my hand off and called the nurse. Fortunately for me the kid had done enough that his paper was score-able and we could just send him home and disinfect his desk and the floor.

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      4. The 8th grade science teacher had decided to give my students an experiment the night before standardized testing that involved bring a raw egg to school! A few of the 8th graders decided to fling raw eggs around the class room. Only one student's test got ruined...the testing administrator's had to deal with it.

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      5. Seriously?! With puked on papers?! That's absolutely horrible!! :(

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      6. Bloody nose five minutes into test. I had to force myself not to ask if she got it on the test before I checked to make sure she was okay. Luckily she didn't get it on her test. :)

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      7. I had a girl barf on her test once. We had to bag the pukey answer sheet and test, and I sent the sick girl out with the proctor, who came back with the testing coordinator and the janitor. Had to fill out a testing irregularity form, but fortunately the other kids didn't have their tests declared invalid because of the disruption. (I had to document time, and everyone finished before time was called, so it wasn't an issue.) The sick girl retested with a different form of the test during make-ups. I had almost forgotten about it.

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      8. GREETINGS everyone out there.. My name is Sarah Gomez FROM CANADA i will never forget the help Prophet Ayelala rendered to me in my marital life. i have been married for 5 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was searching for help in the internet, i saw many people sharing testimony on how Prophet Ayelala help them out with their marital problems so i contacted the email of Prophet Ayelala i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place were i can get back my husband within the next 24hours. He told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him,that he will never cheat on me again. i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give Prophet Ayelala a try they work surprises because i know they will help you to fix your relationship with your ex partner. i thank god for using Prophet Ayelala to save my marriage. Contact him via Email: ( Ayelala7demons@gmail.com ) Or Reach him on whatsapp: +2347031894318


        Delete
      9. Seriously, Sarah. It's a thread full of teachers. At least learn how to use capital letters.

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    26. I memorize shoes on students' feet. I also figure out the percentages of shirt colors in the class and compare them daily. When we have to hang newspaper to cover up posters, I strategically pick the pages to have interesting articles. :)

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    27. Oh thank you so much for this. As we begin state testing tomorrow (ACK!!!), I needed something to make me laugh.

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    28. Ah! Wish I would have seen this YESTERDAY....before I had to proctor ALL day! I'm saving this for next year!

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    29. Here is a question...if states and districts are so worried about testing conditions, why don't they hire professional monitors and let the teachers have a work day? Much more productive...testing time is completely mind-numbing for teachers and students!

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      Replies
      1. There is no money for hiring test proctors.

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      2. make it a requirement for all politicians to proctor for free

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    30. Luckily, I always have some song or another playing in my head, so when I get bored, I just listen to it. The hard part is not joining in out loud.

      I'd rather change genders each time I sneeze, because I wouldn't want mental impairment. No telling how far that might expand in my brain.

      Best day? On a "Gilligan's Island" type island where there are no pressures to go anywhere or do anything with all the people I care most about - and them all getting along.

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    31. Count the number of tiles on the floor, on the ceiling and then count them again in a different order to make sure your first number was correct. And if you've forgotten the first number, then count them agin to match the second number. Silently count to a thousand, then again by twos, then by threes. Do something inane like memorizing the alphabet backwards:zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba (I've been there).

      And if you think this is inane, think of the poor kids having to take those tests with all of the useless inane questions, the answers to none of which you'll ever have to know again in your entire lives.

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    32. it is time there is a nationwide "teacher's flu" to not report to work during testing. Simple. Non-Violent. Peaceful Resistance. Today we celebrate the 50 years ago when Martlin Luther King spoke in Orlando, Florida. Time to energize that- for the children.

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    33. I don't think Arlene would like my answer to number 8!!!! I'll just remain mute!

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    34. Can I ask which state you teach in?

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    35. Oh my gosh! Somebody who understands!! Thanks!
      ;-)

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    36. Relax and contract your gluteus maximus 300 times!

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    37. I am not a math teacher, but I always create and solve math problems in my head - what percentage of students is/has male, female, pony tails, black shoes, black jackets, etc.

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    38. I count the number of kids wearing stripes or a color or socks or laces or...and I see who has used one pencils or both pencils. You can also squeeze your buttocks for exercise. I've been known to walk in designs around the room and make new patterns. I love your suggestions!

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    39. One year I proctored in a room that had photos of each president on the walls. Over the course of a week I memorized the names & order of all 43 presidents.

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    40. It's a good time to pray silently. There is time enough to say several rosaries. Seriously!

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      Replies
      1. Anything with words or letters must be covered in our district. So if the pics had writing on them, all you could see was a sea of paper! Personally, I have never had a student who would strain his/her eyes to try to read a date on a picture on the wall, but evidently it is perceived as potential source of information.

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      2. Totally done this! :)

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      3. I even have a special rosary bracelet to wear during proctoring!

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    41. I volunteer to administer the testing for students with modification (I read out loud the questions and answer choices on the Math test and the answer choices on the Reading). I'm too busy to get bored!

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      1. Yes! Providing the accomodations is a much less dismal testing environment. "Frequent breaks" is my favorite. "Small group" is also way more chill than the room of 50 testers next door.

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    42. Just a thought...you said there would be 20 tips but there were only 16.. :)
      I needed these yesterday, because we not only do the entire standardized testing, we also do 2 different practice days. UH!

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    43. I get to proctor one kid, extended time, for 2 days....ah!! He may morph into several animals next week

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    44. There are so many ways in our state that you can get a "misadministration" of the test. My 6th graders think all the rules are insane, but they take them seriously. One boy asked me if I was going to a misdemeanor if I forgot to the phone on Do Not Disturb!

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    45. I'm pretty sure I'd rather get pooped on by a bird as long as it happened immediately when I walked outside. I could have a like poo-poncho or something I always wear and just leave it at the door. Plus, I'd probably get some media coverage that I may be able make some sweet mula on! Cha-ching! In conclusion, the poop pays for itself.

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    46. 1. Would you rather fart green smoke or have one arm twice the length of the other?
      2. Would you rather have stinky feet for hands or sneeze globs of blue mucus every time?
      3. Would you rather walk around at school with a tear in your pants or without a bra on? (sorry men, this one's no fun for you)
      4. Would you rather run for 24 hours straight or walk for a week straight?
      5. Would you rather your face grew hair like a man's hairy legs or your ears produced purple ear wax at an unusually fast rate, causing you to have to clean them out every 30mins or so?

      Perfect day ever.... to start with, calories, sugar, and carbs would all count positively towards body image (i.e. would burn fat and tone muscle, just by eating them). I would not necessarily sleep in, because this is perfect day ever.... you have time to sleep in tomorrow. Eat a hearty breakfast of pancakes, blueberry muffins with the sugary streusel, yogurt parfait w/ granola, and an omelet...... as for the rest of the day, I'll come up with that during round 1 of state tests. I'll post it here afterwards (if I remember).. :)

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    47. I've taken #12 to the point of inventing a a blowgun, using the hollow shell of an ink pen, a straightened paperclip, and a small wad of moist tissue. Zombies beware!

      ReplyDelete
    48. What a great post! I quit teaching 2 years ago, but just had a nightmare about standardized tests last week. (They never end, apparently.) I had planned on writing about this very topic on my blog. Hope it's it ok if I include a link to yours? Thanks for sharing. :)

      ReplyDelete
    49. I want to thank you for your blog! I am a young journalist who is applying for an alternative teacher certification program to teach middle school language arts in a low-income, high-need rural clasroom. Your blog is eye-opening and hilarious. I've read the whole thing in the last two days and I've been giggling nonstop.

      ReplyDelete
    50. Great suggestions, but I would never do the workout. It would make me too sore for the second day. I too have estimated the dimensions of rooms to keep from being bored.

      Best day ever would be on a tropical island beach with my granddaughters playing in the sand and my husband and kids lounging nearby. We would build sandcastles and have tropical drinks delivered right to the beach. The day would start with a late morning buffet breakfast with all kinds of tropical fruits and a variety of baked goods. For lunch, a picnic hamper complete with a variety of cheese, breads, and fruits would be delivered right to the beach. We would end the day with a lovely dinner on the patio of our beach house while fireworks exploded over the nearby waterfront. For dinner we would have Caesar salad, lobster for the main course, and a choice of pots du creme or creme brulee.

      For the would you rather question, I would choose to smell a fart all the time and not have super bad breath.

      ReplyDelete
    51. I pretended I was a robot and walked around the room like one. I refrained from making the mechanical noises, however. One year, I kept moving one of my student's pencil from one end of the pencil tray on her desk to the other. After it was over, she said it was a riot. P.S. And when I go to publish it, it says "Type in the numbers to prove you're not a robot!"

      ReplyDelete
    52. I CAN'T stop laughing at the sneezing/muffin Would You Rather!

      ReplyDelete
    53. This is a recording," Whenever you see a Go On Arrow at the bottom of the page, turn the page and keep working. Continue working until you come to a STOP sign. You must stop when you come to the STOP sign."

      ReplyDelete
    54. You All Are Making Me Appreciate My 2nd Month Of Retirement More Than Ever!
      Good Luck To Everyone.
      Another Ploy: Try Thinking Of All Of The People You Would Want To Be In A Dunking Booth, Beginning With All Of THe Politicians That Started All Of this.

      ReplyDelete
    55. same as i do for the more boring inservice trainings: kegels.

      ReplyDelete
    56. I mentally planned out my herbal garden, my flower garden and my vegetable garden... I envisioned myself slender and the variety of new outfits I would wear and what people would say when they saw me, I envisioned myself visiting all of the travel destinations that I've longed to go on... All of these were kinda like a mental "vision board"... law of attraction, ya know :)

      ReplyDelete
    57. I pray several rosaries too. Our students never know how many times I pray for them and our faculty/staff.

      ReplyDelete
    58. I count the ceiling tiles down to the nearest fraction, and convert to decimals. I didn't know the world of imagination that I've missed out on!

      ReplyDelete
    59. You are wonderful, it is really days of mind numbing Hell!

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    60. I spent one test-taking session memorizing the students' names. After collecting, securing, returning ALL the tests, we found ourselves waiting on students in other rooms. I told them what I had done and went through all their names. Then, I told them to switch seats while I stepped outside. I went back in --- and still knew their names. I looked AWESOME to a bunch of teenagers.

      ReplyDelete
    61. Make constellations from the dots on the ceiling tiles. I totally did this when I was bedridden after surgery when I was nine.

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    62. I haven't read all the comments, so maybe this has already been mentioned, but at our school, we are also not allowed any food or water during the 4 hour testing session - or worse: NO COFFEE!
      Luckily, I am only proctoring for 2 of those hours this week.
      On a more serious note: as torturous as these sessions are, your suggestions here are valuable mind exercises and maybe more people (and their imaginations) would benefit from these fantasies/conundrums instead of more iPhone time.
      Thank you for good suggestions - they will be employed tomorrow in our ACT session!

      ReplyDelete
    63. OK, I actually did this. You know, they never tell you HOW to read the directions....soooooo... I decided to read them as a dramatic Shakespearian actress. Woke all the students up!

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      Replies
      1. Me too! I also read the list of rules adding "thou shalt not..."

        Delete
      2. This is hilarious! I wish more teachers would do this!

        Delete
      3. By the time we hit the third round of retakes for graduating seniors (who have heard the instructions dozens of times and can probably recite them along with me), I say "No, I don't think you're stupid, the law says I have to read every word exactly as they have it written. Here goes:" and do it as fast as I can.

        They love it. By the time you're a senior in high school hearing: "use the back arrow to go back to previous question and use the next arrow to go to the next question" is really pretty unnecessary.

        Delete
    64. My co-workers and I did a few things on this list... It was hilarious to see one of them slam some ankle weights onto the table and say "I'M READY."

      Thanks for the awesome ideas, haha!

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    65. Just wanted to say thanks…these are great. 3 Years ago I wrote a memoirs of state testing and sent it out to the teachers daily at the end of testing. Now…every year they say they are anxiously awaiting the next years memoirs. My kids aren't as "interesting" this year and I have been able to share your wonderful suggestions! :)

      Here is an example! :)
      2012 Testing Memoirs
      There were two boys fighting in the bathroom this morning before testing. WHAT? Those two boys haven’t put all of their differences aside to come together to show the state, the nation, and themselves just how much they have “gained” this year? No, I’m not talking about the new tattoo, dime bag, 3 suspensions, and beating from the abusive dad they gained this year. I’m talking about the knowledge and skills they find so relevant in their lives that they can’t wait to share it on the NMSBA.
      Day 1
      Session I
      It’s nice and cool in my room. Perfect Testing Conditions! 2 perfectly sharpened pencils per student. I get to read the same instructions over and over again. “Does everyone understand?” Students begin vigorously writing and reading. It’s quiet in here. Eerily quiet. Yet here is Mr. McKinney…roaming around the room…around and around…like a caged animal wishing it was stalking it’s prey. What is they prey? Any abnormality of course!! Any wrong session, anyone who hasn’t stopped at the all powerful STOP box, ANYONE who looks, thinks, or acts like doing anything other than Reading Session I.
      Session II
      One of my students has brought her purple reading glasses. I haven’t seen her with glasses all year. Wait! That’s because she has missed 80 days this year. At least her sight is ready and dialed in for the test…I’m sure missing half the school year won’t lower her scores. If it does however it will obviously be my fault as her teacher!
      I see a student with his head down on the table and his leg bouncing in an obviously ADHD fashion. If it weren’t for his leg however I might think he was sleeping with his eyes open. Wish I could figure out how to do that so when someone peeks in my window during testing it would as if I was fastidiously watching over my classroom while sleeping. Hmmm…something to work on!
      Till Tomorrow! Happy Testing!

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Looooved this!! Keep writing!

        Delete
      2. I enjoyed these! thank you!

        Delete
    66. One thing I didn't see on the list that would be really meaningful to do....would be to pray for the students. Pray for the ones you know and for the ones you don't know. Also you could pray for the school, other teachers, administrators, etc.

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Pray that I get sick and can leave!

        Delete
      2. I strive to pray for each student for at least 3 minutes. God guides my thoughts for students I don't know. That makes the first hour go fast. When doing modifications I pray for every one I can think of! I also were sweaters with pockets so I can have peanut m&m's and sneak them, one at a time trying to see how long it takes to melt to the peanut.

        Delete
    67. This cracked me up. :) Love it.

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    68. 6/9 of my next days work be testing... oh my goodness... I need about 20 more ideas! Then a Week off and 3 more days of testing...

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    69. I tend to get really frustrated about 45 minutes in.. and then I take the time to look at each individual student and realize that everyone has something different going on in their lives and in their brains. Then I try to think about what types of things might be troubling someone their age, and after I've done that I try to imagine what each one might become when they grow up. It would be more fun if I ever got to test my own students though :)

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    70. Carry a teensy pencil and a teensy notepad and furtively write poetry--good poetry.

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    71. I'm a "hall monitor" around the temporary buildings at our junior high, except there really aren't any "halls" outside. There's just me, the covered walkway, the occasional kid, admin ninjas who only come around when I have my phone out, and the cows across the street (the cows didn't even moo today! Day ruined). Our district doesn't let us do anything but sit there and eat, although some quick phone checking, doodling, and list writing may have occurred surreptitiously. I'm supposed to relieve teachers for about 5 minutes at a time. That happened 5 times today. The rest of the time, it's just me and my thoughts in a desk. Needless to say, I think I now have a pretty good idea how to build a low-budget covered walkway!

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    72. I don't get it....so many of you said that you are NOT proctoring this year????? How is that possible when there are so many groups with test mods????? Hmmmmm............

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    73. My best day ever will be the day they put an end to all of the testing nonsense. I'm a special education teacher. I have already proctored for 6 days for the PARCC field test, then I had midterm exams, and after SPirng break I will be proctoring for four...weeks....straight!!!!!!!

      ReplyDelete
    74. I would rather get pooped on by the bird because I can wipe it off and get on with my day! It also helps me be thankful for wetwipes!

      I would love to spend the day with my deceased dad, my new husband, my mom, kids, and grandkids fishing and hanging out! My new husband and dad would get along great, and it would have been great for them to be in my life at the same time. He was very special!

      ReplyDelete
    75. I love hoop-dancing, and I make up hula-hoop routines in my head to various songs. This year, I'm going with songs from different decades each day: Monday is Bubblegum 60's, Tuesday is Disco 70's, Wednesday is Neon 80's...etc.
      This would work for any type of dancing, or anything that can be performed to music actually.
      It's also fun to go home after school and see if I can truly perform the routine physically the way I planned it out in my head. (I'm usually WAY better in my head than I am in real life...) :-)

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    76. Just found your blog and LOVE this post and well all of your posts so far. I generally break my window up with tasks, at 30 minutes I will eat a snack, at 1 hour I will give them a snack, at 2 hours I will make a seating chart. Your list is so much more interesting and regardless of my upcoming testing assignment I will be now comparing their faces to animal faces. Priceless.

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    77. When I was in graduate school I was fortunate enough to be a graduate assistant in the office that coordinated all major standardized testing (ACT, MCAT, LSAT, TOEFL, etc..) for a major university. There were far more people wanting to proctor these tests (they pay REALLY well) than there were tests to proctor so there was a rotating list and if your name was up on a given weekend you got a call. Since I worked in the office that coordinated these tests I was able to work any and all tests I chose. It was a good supplement to my income but it has to be experienced to understand how frustratingly boring it is!!

      ReplyDelete
    78. This is great! I watch the question numbers the students are on provide espn-like commentary in my head as they compete to finish!

      ReplyDelete
    79. My first year proctoring, I passed the time by watching a third grade girl EAT HER SCRATCH PAPER. She would tear off a piece, then eat it...wait a little while, then do it again. When I had to collect the scratch paper at the end of the test, I asked her where hers was (knowing good and well that she ATE IT), and she just shrugged her shoulders and looked at me.

      ReplyDelete
    80. Last time I proctored a test I said an entire rosary while I walked around the room watching the students. I have also recited (in my head, of course) countries and capitals by continent. I love your ideas though!

      ReplyDelete
    81. If I had to choose between mistaking muffins for babies or changing genders, I'd definitely be mistaking muffins for babies for the rest of my life. For one, I don't really like muffins. I do like babies, but...well, I'm okay to let other people who CAN differentiate between them be the matronly type. Besides, I rather like being a woman. I think my boyfriend likes it, too.

      ReplyDelete
    82. We start testing this week, and rereading this post helped me feel like I can do something while pacing the room. We were even told we can wear sneakers during testing this year! Hooray!

      We were also told our students are not allowed to read when they are done (this is new), so your post inspired me to come up with a list of things for students to do after testing while sitting silently: http://mrswilsonscience.com/stretchingforward/imagination-games-20-ways-to-fight-post-standardized-test-boredom/

      Thanks for the ideas!

      ReplyDelete
    83. We start tomorrow. Thanks for the ideas! I also plan on writing haiku poetry in my head and making up testing verses to Leonard Cohen's song "Hallelujah." I'm thinking something along the lines of, "I've never been this bored before / I'm watching tiles upon the floor / But I would never want to misconstrue 'ya / ..."

      ReplyDelete
    84. Thanks for making proctoring a little less horrible now that I have all these great ideas....

      ReplyDelete
    85. The first time I proctored a police test nobody bothered to tell me that current officers were allowed to carry their guns while taking the test. I almost had a heart attack. So glad I spent most of my professional career with kids under 5 although there are signs that this nonsense is oozing its way into preschool.

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    86. One word: Kegels.

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    87. I mentally move all the furniture in my room, planning for the next school year. Sometimes I'll even count the squares on my floor to judge the size of the piece of furniture and and use that to see if the piece will fit where I'm thinking about moving it. Also, I redecorate it in my mind and dream up what my theme is going to be for the next year.

      ReplyDelete
    88. These things are hilarious indeed. Certainly it'll be fun practicing these things out. I'm glad to find such ways. Thanks.

      ReplyDelete
    89. I walk around and memorize the full names of each student, most of whom I have never seen before. When the teacher leaves to turn in the tests, I freak them out by calling them by name. If they give me attitude, I use their middle name too. They never seem to figure out that their name are written at the top of their tests.

      ReplyDelete
    90. I proctored/administered tests pretttttttty much every day in May. It was the worst, like your blog said. Another method I used:
      1) I rewrote songs, changing the lyrics to how much I hate testing. (Side note, I live in VA where we are not on Common Core, but we have the Standards of Learning - SOLs. SOL was a great acronym for my songs about hating testing.)

      ReplyDelete
    91. I wish I had seen this before three mind-numbing exam sessions. I've done the exercising the leg muscles, and the kids think it is hysterical. These are great!

      LAW

      ReplyDelete
    92. I love creating song titles/band names with things around the school...One of my favorites, Jesus' Ghetto Report Card. A student, named Jesus, had on a Ghetto Report Card sweatshirt, hence the name! :)

      ReplyDelete
    93. Dear teachers as proctors. Enjoy your union. You can't be fired for not actively monitoring. You won't get a raise for actively monitoring. For once...don't do the right thing. Set up away from the door and be ready to jump up as soon as the principal/pa monitor walks in or have a sheepish "I just sat down 2 seconds ago" look at the ready. It will be ok. There are no consequences. Feel good about it because as a teacher you know that it makes it harder for the students to concentrate when you are looking over their shoulders anyway.

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    94. Memorize the alphabet backwards... I did that for the writing test. Now it's my party trick.

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    95. The comments are just as great as the original post! Thanks for the repost today! My coworkers will love it! :)

      ReplyDelete
    96. Not only did I proctor PSSAs but I proctored the Keystones via Chrome books- I'd rather have stuck needles in my eyes

      ReplyDelete
    97. Wouldn’t you love to give in your best and get the score that you have always wanted? In order to get a good TOEFL score, it is essential that you know what exactly a good TOEFL score is, and how much you should aim for learning.


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    98. These are fantastic. And will definitely help me much during practice testing! Thank you!!

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    99. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    100. Extremely good content! The author could cover the whole essence of the topic in a few paragraphs with his great writing proficiency. I really like the article. I do follow all the articles in the blog. Keep sharing!

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    101. I'm a UK teacher but I'm forced to do this, except it's called 'invigilating'. Usually, the head teacher is also there. I like to practise standing on one leg for as long as I can without wobbling or attracting the attention of the head. However, a mentor teacher suggested playing 'pac man' if you have multiple staff about (like, for a large exam). Pretty self explanatory?

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    102. I've done #6-Imagine who you would be friends with if you were that age in school right now. ---I also look at each kid and try to figure out what their parents look like, whether they look more like their mother, father or a morphing of both. Then, I do a make-over of each kid...what they'd look like with different hair and clothing style.

      ReplyDelete
    103. I always try and do division and multiplication in my head

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    105. This article definitely made my day! It`s just amazing! I could have never imagined that test monitoring tips can be so original and creative! If only all teachers practiced the same test monitoring methods!

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    106. Thanks for sharing good article. keep up the good work. Hopefully waiting for more good posts.

      ReplyDelete
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    108. But I have to memorize the list since I CAN"T READ anything during the test. lol I was wondering if arm knitting would be ok??

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    112. Three weeks of testing. Small group every day. Some of this will save my sanity!

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    135. I want the world to know a great man that is well known as Dr Believe, he has the perfect solution to relationship issues and marriage problems. The main reason why i went to Dr Believe was for solution on how i can get my husband back because in recent times i have read some testimonies on the internet which some people has written about Dr Believe and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from him on his email (Authenticspellcast@gmail.com) which he did a perfect job by casting a spell on my husband which made him to come back to me and beg for forgiveness. I will not stop publishing his name on the net because of the good work he is doing. I will drop his contact for the usefulness of those that needs his help. His Email via: Authenticspellcast@gmail.com or Authenticspellcast@yahoo.com or +2348159740630 or website: http://authenticspellcast1.wix.com/authenticspellcaste You can contact him today and get your problem solved.

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    136. I am Shardae Smith, i will like to let every know that there is a true and real spell caster out there and he has helped me in so many way just a few days since i came in contact with him through the help of my good friend who introduced me to him. he did a love spell for me and assured me that after 2days, my ex husband will return to me and to my greatest surprise the 2day my ex came knocking at my door begging for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr.jarto, You are truly a great man wow this man has brought back the joy in my life that was stolen and now i live a better and sound life. he bring back my divorce husband home with his love spell, when i lost my husband.he is true to his word and he is here in the world to help mankind. he is the realest of all spell caster online. he is Dr.jarto. you can get him via email: Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com and i swear a trial will convince you and you will be happy.

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    138. I was having a boyfriend. we had a 9 months relationship, We were known for long time and we promised we will be together for ever but he has always had a drinking problem all his life.. because his drinking habit became so much this made us always have misunderstanding and I quarreled with him and humiliated and i made him realize that his bad habit was hurting me, I wanted him to change. i wanted him to be a good guy, i tried to change him but nothing was working out this made us to departed from each other, until one day i heard about a spell caster called Dr.Todd , i tried his love spell and definitely it worked out perfectly for me, it never took time for the spell to start working, after some few days my lover came to me and wanted us to start our relationship again, our lover is so tight now that nothing can brings us apart, and his drinking habit stopped entirely, this love spell from manifestspellcast@gmail.com

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    139. My wife is back!!!
      My name is Albert Brown. I had a problem with my wife six months ago,which lead to us going apart. When she broke up with me,i was no longer myself,I felt so empty inside. Until a friend of mine told me about a spell caster that helped in same problem too, that she found on Web page. i emailed the spell caster and I told him my problem and I did what he asked me to briefly To cut the long story short,before i knew what was happening,not up to 48 hours,my wife text me and said she wanted to come back and so she came back to me and told me she was sorry about what has happened, she now tell me every time and every day that she loves and miss me. I'm so grateful to this great spell caster Dr Noble and i will not stop publishing his name on the Internet just for the good work he has done. If you need any help you can contact this great man he will help you any any way you want, you can email him at templeofjoyandprosperity@gmail.com i guarantee you that he will also help you okay

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    140. Good day,,,,
      Read my testimony!!! Getting ex back after a breakup. Am Cora L. Sanchez 30 from UK, my boyfriend of a 2year just broke up with me and am 28 weeks pregnant. I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again. Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes, my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time. Generally he is a very nice guy, he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along. He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot. After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change. I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with. I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe. He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy, he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy. i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Ahmed can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 22 hours later, my boyfriend came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my boyfriend are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Ahmed. as it is a place to resolve marriage/relationship issues, do you want to be sure if your spouse is being faithful to you or Do you want your Ex to come back to you Contact.: E-mail: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com or call/Whats-app: +2348160153829 save your crumbling home and change of grades its 100% safe. I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you.

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    144. I celebrated my fourth year Marriage anniversary yesterday, i can remember it was Dr. Todd that helped me. We broke up when we were dating few years back and i tried all ways to get him back to me but nothing work and after trying all means i had to sick for the help of Dr. Todd because i heard and saw so many testimonies about him on a Internet, i had to consult him for help and he brought him back to me in just few days after the counsel, prayers and spell was done in his temple my man was back to me and we got married after 3 months. Yesterday we celebrated our 4th year marriage anniversary , we have been living together as husband and wife after Dr. Todd brought him back to me, we are still living together peacefully till date and we have a son. Here is his email(manifestspellcast@gmail. com) if you want to contacted him concerning your relationship problem or if you want your relationship to be lovely like mine. I’m so very happy and i just want you all to know that he is very powerful and can change your situation.

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