10 Real Things I Wrote While Grading

Tuesday, October 28, 2014




Hi.

I haven't posted in a while because I've been grading fictional short stories for the last twelve hundred years. Why? Because I told my students there was no page limit for the assignment. I'll pause while you laugh at me and point and shout, "ROOKIE MISTAKE!" jeeringly.

(Pause.)

Thank you. I needed that.

Now that that's done, I actually did enjoy grading them. Their stories were awesome and they actually read their rubrics, which figuratively speaking made my heart explode with never-ending confetti. I also enjoyed grading them because I began to realize that some of my feedback would sound very, very strange if taken out of context. 

So I decided to publish it on the Internet.  

Here are 10 real things I wrote while grading:



I mean, don't we all?


Super stinky scarf, or superhuman senses? This is important.


If you've had the popcorn in Chicago you will understand that this is a valid question.


Or a governor-appointed granny?


(Note: It was in the linen closet.)


Can't believe I fell for the old bait-and-switch!


When only the last paragraph of a paper is messy, you may as well make a note to your teacher that says, "Rushed to finish writing this on the bus, xoxo"


This would be a strange thing to shout in a movie theater.
Or anywhere.


This story was AWESOME and I am still thinking about it.



And finally, the comment that gave me the idea for this post:



I already can't wait to grade next year's short stories.

#thingsIneverthoughtIwouldsay

Love,

Teach

12 Times It's Been Worse

Tuesday, October 7, 2014


The saddest toddler in the world.


I am in my fifth year of teaching middle school English at a Title I school, and, for the most part, the skies are sunny. I have classroom management in the bag. Lesson planning is almost second nature. I can write a test in 30 minutes that is better and harder than the one that the state gives. It's the 7th week of school and I haven't had to refill my pencil cup yet. Things are pretty boss.

That being said, I still have days that make me want to sit under my desk and weep and never come out (it's usually during DEVOLSON).

When those days happen, I usually resort to thumbing through my Happy Binder where I keep old letters/drawings from students, putting "Chocolate" by The 1975 on Pandora, or getting a s'mores cupcake from a local bakery on my way home from work and eating it in about 2.43 bites.

But when that doesn't work, I think about the 12 Times It's Been Worse.


12 Times It's Been Worse


1) The time I was talking to my appraiser and a huge, flaky booger floated out of my nose like an autumn leaf and landed on my shoulder. I was wearing a dark turtleneck. He definitely noticed and stared at it for the rest of our conversation.

2) The time I had a student vomit in the doorway right before my students were dismissed for a pep rally. I had to spot thirty middle schoolers as they long-jumped over a pile of barf.

3) The time I bought a new shirt, wore it to school on Monday, dripped pizza sauce on it at lunch, then applied a Tide To-Go pen to it. Except it wasn't a Tide To-Go pen. It was White Out. And it never came out.

4)  The time my former principal made me write her essays for her to get into an Ivy League principal's institute and I did it because I was too afraid to tell her no. (She got in.)

5) The time during my first year when I took two students in the hall to talk about respect and they laughed at me, so I cried RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. (They kept laughing.)

6) The time I thought I had just had a breakthrough with a student just before he flipped over his desk and stormed out of the room.

7) The time I was teaching and hundreds of termites started flying out of a hole in the wall.

8) The times (plural) I had a substitute show up who was clearly hung over.

9) The time my students duct-taped each other to chairs when my substitute didn't show up.

10) The time a hot, boiled roach floated to the top of my cup of coffee from my school Keurig. (I noticed this before taking a sip, ergo, God exists and He loves me.)

11) The time my phone went off during an observation from my supervisor while I was student teaching. It was my mom calling. And I'd set her ringtone to "99 Problems." Because there was/is something wrong with my head.


12) 95% of my first year. And 75% of my second.



But you know something? As bad as my bad days have been, I've still never had a kid poop on my desk. That happened to someone I know in Washington D.C.

He teaches high school.

Bye now.

Love,

Teach
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